The first time I held Daniel, I became a mother in my heart. He was vulnerable and alone, and his future was uncertain. I wanted to fix all that.
Of course, I was fully aware that these feelings meant absolutely nothing in legal terms. I knew his birthparents had legal rights until officially terminated by the court. I also knew that child-welfare officials were in charge of Daniel’s care and might have plans of their own for him.
None of these rational thoughts carried one bit of weight, however, against the convictions of my heart. All I really knew for sure was that I had just held my son, and he had slept for hours on his new and forever mother.
Because my husband, John, and I felt sure that we were meant to be Daniel’s parents, there was a terrible urgency to make that happen. Even though we knew intellectually and theologically that God was in control, it was a constant battle to live out that belief in a practical way. Sometimes we did well. Sometimes we did not. It was hard to be patient when we were so ready to adopt a child we had fallen in love with.
Days later, Daniel’s case worker called to say she was approving the plan to transition Daniel from his foster home to our home. We proceeded with an at-risk adoption. This meant that even though we could move forward with the adoption plan while caring for Daniel in our home, several legal steps were still pending that might jeopardize the adoption. The risk was that the adoption might not work out and our hearts would break into a million little pieces.
Quite a risk! This adoption led John and me into a deeper trust that God was firmly in control. I’m not saying it was easy. We had given our hearts to Daniel, but we still had to surrender to the sovereignty of God.
The next few weeks were a blur. I drove 45 minutes both ways nearly every day to hold my son. And then the day came. No more going back. No more sharing our son. He would finally be home, forever. We were a family.
This article appeared in the December 2011 issue of
Thriving Family magazine. Adapted from Wait No More: One family’s amazing adoption journey. Copyright © 2011 by Kelly and John Rosati. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers.
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