Help Your Teen Own His Faith

by Ron Luce

I have parented three teens and currently speak to thousands each week. Again and again I am struck by one urgent question that comes up with parents of teens: How do I encourage my teen to grow in his faith?

At the same time young people in local churches are struggling with a lack of sound theology and relationship with Christ, their parents are struggling with how to instill a vibrant faith in their teens. Christian parents who have taken their kids to church, youth group and summer camps still find their teens making decisions that don't reflect a biblical worldview.

It doesn't have to be this way. New data confirms that parents are by far the chief spiritual influence in their kids' lives. We have more influence than we may realize, and we can successfully encourage our teens to grow toward spiritual maturity.

Be an example

Kids don't do what we say — they do what they see. We need to be the kind of people we're hoping our teens will be. That doesn't mean we need to be perfect; it means that we need to be authentic in pursuing Christ. We need to be honest about our shortfalls, humbly asking forgiveness when we fail.

Read together

Sharing books and discussing them together can be a great teaching tool. Whether you're studying relationships, faith, romance or sex, the topics become less awkward and more instructional when discussed from a third-party perspective.

My son and I meet together on Friday mornings before school. It's our time to connect and discuss a book chapter we've read that week. This time together helps us communicate about a great variety of content because the book, rather than the parent, becomes the teacher. As a result, my son discusses faith with me today, and he will have a library of books to refer to tomorrow.

Lean into that relationship

When my wife and I discover peers or culture negatively influencing one of our kids, we lean into our relationship with our teen a little more than usual. We spend more one-on-one time, engaging in ways that reflect an attitude of being quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (James 1:19).

Leaning in is seldom convenient. One of my daughters loved to run with me when she was a teen. We would talk while we were running. Then we'd walk and talk some more. Inconveniently, it seemed that her favorite time to run was late at night. She would come to my room dressed in her gym clothes and ready to run. Even though I had to get up early the next morning, I would get out of bed and don my running clothes — because my girl wanted to talk.

When we spend time doing what our teen wants to do, we're leaning into that relationship and waiting for our teen to lean back.

Find the echoes

Beyond our own efforts, we can enlist the help of other people who share our faith and values. They might be extended family members, previous baby sitters or close friends. We need to look for people in their 20s or 30s who can be positive role models, and then create opportunities for them to spend time with our teens. It's important for our teens to interact with friends or relatives who share our faith. What our teens see and hear from us can be validated as they see and hear the same things echoed in others.

Encourage the right environment

Our teens also need the positive influence of kids their own age. My wife, Katie, and I scouted our area to find a youth group where the kids displayed a vibrant faith. Then we helped our kids develop relationships with kids in those groups.

Recently, my 16-year-old son found a youth group that he really connects with. But it's about 40 minutes from home. Even though it's inconvenient for us to drive him back and forth, it's important for him to be in a place where he's growing in his faith and finding friends with the same values. So we drive.

The right environment can also include missions trips, where our teens can build lifelong friendships with people who are seriously pursuing a relationship with Jesus. Don't underestimate the potential for these events to provide life-changing experiences.

Ron Luce is the president and founder of Teen Mania Ministries and author of Re-Create: Building a Culture in Your Home Stronger Than the Culture Deceiving Your Kids.

Faith and Worldview
In addition to encouraging a teen's faith, parents are faced with the challenge of equipping their teen to defend that faith. Culture today encourages young people to reject family values, deny their faith-based worldview and embrace a moral system steeped in relativism.
To defend their faith, teens need to understand how a worldview shapes their beliefs and influences their choices. Parents can help teens explore and articulate their Christian worldview by using resources that provide a rational and evidential basis for their faith. Given the tools they need, teens can stand strong in the workplace and in an academic environment.
Consider discussing these core questions:

• Does God exist?

• Is the Bible really true?

• Who is Jesus?

By examining these questions, Christian students can better understand why they believe what they believe, empowering them to thrive in their high school and college years.

Thriving Family recommends the following resources:

• Focus on the Family's TrueU DVDs and discussion guides

• Alex McFarland's Stand Strong: In College

• Josh and Sean McDowell's The Unshakable Truth

• Focus on the Family's The Truth Project DVD series