From Middle School to High School

by Susie Davis

A 13-year-old boy from California climbed Mt. Everest earlier this year. His dad was excited about the adventure and climbed with his son. His mom, on the other hand, said, "From the second he leaves my arms until he's back, it's like I can't breathe." I understand — I'm a mom. It's terrifying when we send our kids into the world to do potentially dangerous things.

Though my family of hikers has not expressed interest in climbing Everest, I have had what I call my "Everest" equivalents in parenting. These equivalents might pale in comparison to actually climbing Mt. Everest, but my husband and I agree that they were stressful in their own right. One of those equivalents had to be our teen's first day of high school. Think about algebra, cliques and the pressure of college admission all bearing down on the shoulders of a 14-year-old — high school is an uphill climb for both teenagers and their parents.

Successful climbing will require careful planning. Consider the following:

Find Sherpas (expert mountaineering guides). Befriend other parents who have already raised teenagers, high school teachers and youth workers. Glean wisdom by asking questions and getting advice. Whatever you do, don't hike alone.

Let your teen lead. While you may have been leading the hike for your child in middle school (with prompts regarding homework, peer choices, social situations), it's time now to let your teen lead where she's able. Stay close enough to assist, but back far enough to allow autonomy.

Keep communication open. While teens are notoriously private and increasingly likely to turn to friends for input, insist on open communication. Have family dinners; learn how to text; do whatever it takes to talk with your teen.

Allow for breaks to release stress and refuel. The high school years can be exhausting, so keep an eye on your teen's emotional and physical well-being. Provide healthy meals and emphasize the importance of adequate rest.

Be an encourager. You need to be the voice that says, "You can do this." If you have concerns about the physical, social, emotional or academic development of your child, consult your Sherpas to learn what's normal teen development and what is not.

Keep in contact with the ultimate Guide. That is, pray. The same God who has guided you on your journey through dangerous territory is committed to guiding your teen. Prayer will provide strength and direction when the peaks seem too high or the oxygen seems too thin.

Keep your focus on your relationship with your teen. Don't let stress ruin the adventure as you journey together through the high school years.

Susie Davis is a speaker, radio personality and the author of Parenting Your Teen and Loving It.