From High School to College

by Susan Alexander Yates

We had five kids in seven years, so after our oldest reached her senior year of high school, my husband and I felt as though we were constantly getting somebody ready to leave. Just as we were moving one into a dorm, we were looking through college catalogs with the next one.

And it all happened far too fast. I wasn't sure that I was ready or that they were ready ...

I've found that when a child begins his senior year, we begin a countdown. Our time with him is limited, and we wonder, What do we need to do this year to get him ready to leave?

Four things will be helpful as you prepare your teen for the transition:

Turn over personal responsibilities.

By senior year, our teens should be doing their own laundry.

My friend's son called home during his freshman year at college, wondering: "Why did my T-shirt shrink and turn blue when I washed it?"

Because his mom had always done his laundry, my friend's son didn't know about separating colors or washing in cold water. Our kids will have enough adjustments on campus; they don't need to stress over small things like laundry.

High school seniors should be making and keeping all of their own doctor's appointments. If they get charged a penalty fee for forgetting an appointment, it's up to them to pay and to reschedule.

Train in financial management.

Our teens need to maintain a balanced checkbook. If they have a credit card, they must pay it off each month and understand the ramifications of interest if they don't. The same is true of debit accounts; teens need to know their limit and not rely on overdraft protection. They also need to learn to tithe and save.

Parents should clearly define what they will pay for and what their teens will be responsible for during the senior year of high school and the first year of college. This will help to avoid misunderstandings.

Reinforce the importance of manners.

When our teens receive a job interview or a recommendation letter from an adult, they need to express their gratitude. The director of youth ministry at our church told me that he has written approximately 25 references for high school seniors this year. However, he received only six thank-you notes. Good manners demonstrate the character traits of thoughtfulness and respect — crucial life skills.

Encourage your teen's faith.

Begin the college search with prayer. Make a list of possible schools, then pray that God will show your teen His choice for him. Have siblings join as you pray together for His guidance. A rejection letter just might lead your child to God's best "other place."

Encourage your teen to participate in youth ministries that will help prepare him for college. And while you're visiting schools, be sure to attend Christian fellowship meetings on campus.

Letting go is hard for parents. We have to remember that God is not letting go of our children; He is going with them, and He will continue to help them grow. Our job is to pray and to trust in a heavenly Father who loves our children even more than we do.

Approach this last year of high school with a sense of celebration and confidence. Yes, you will be sad when your teen leaves home — but try to share your teen's excitement about his next adventure. Communicate, "I am confident in you," even if you are scared and uncertain. Our teens need our encouragement. Independence and confidence grow gradually, but as we take steps this year to equip our teens, they will make great strides in both areas.

Susan Alexander Yates speaks nationally and internationally on marriage, parenting and women's issues. She is the author of 13 books, including And Then I Had Teenagers.