Seven Rules for Dating My Son

by Humorist Phil Callaway

Have you noticed that girls are chasing boys now?  Just the other day, one called  looking for my son.

I asked, "Is this Christy, Britney or Sarah? There are so many of you, I get you all mixed up."

Believe me, this works. Go ahead and try it.

Since my son is receiving calls from lovely girls who will make fine wives for someone in 20 or 30 years, I have decided to issue a short edict to help them out. Later today I will be posting it on the front door with an electric staple gun.

Rule One: If you would like to talk with my son, please do so in the church foyer. Bring your Bible.

Rule Two: If you call my house to talk with my son, your conversation may be monitored by a customer service representative.

Rule Three: The following locations and activities are acceptable for your date:

Rule Four: My son cannot use my minivan to drive you to a mall. He has a bicycle. You may ride on the handlebars. 

Rule Five: Please do not touch my son. Do not lean against him unless you are falling over and are in danger of plunging from a cliff. Do not even pull lint from his ear. He can do this himself.

Rule Six: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for girls your age to wear Fergie-style "shirts" that do not reach their low-slung pants. My wife and I want to be fair and open-minded about this, so you are free to show up in such attire. My wife will affix it properly to your body with a glue gun.

Rule Seven: Above all else, remember that we've been praying for this boy since God gave him breath, and we will continue to. When he chooses a godly girl, we will be overwhelmed with joy. Until then, we'll pray that you'll chase Jesus first and watch everything else fall into place.

—Phil Callaway is a speaker, humorist and best-selling author.

This article first appeared in the January/February 2011 issue of Thriving Family magazine. Copyright © 2010 by Phil Callaway. Used by permission.


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