A Guy's Guide to Romance

by Bill Farrel

"I wish you were more romantic." Ever heard those words? If you're like most husbands, I'll bet you have. Probably more than once. Those words are about as pleasant as "You need to go to the dentist."

Let's face it. Most of us have only a vague idea what romance really means to our wives. Besides, who has time to be Romeo when the kids have soccer practice and the demands at work never let up?

Fortunately, romancing your wife isn't as complicated — or as time-consuming — as we make it out to be. In fact, I've stumbled across something that eliminates the guesswork and stress: romantic rituals.

What is a romantic ritual? It is a simple act you do on a regular basis to let your wife know how much she matters to you. Creating a romantic ritual is one of the best ways to touch your wife's heart while you work a job and raise a family.

My wife, Pam, and I have done one such ritual since the early days of our relationship. Before we eat a meal, we pray together, and right after we pray, we kiss. It doesn't take much effort, but it conveys to Pam that she is special to me.

This simple act has an even bigger impact when I do it in public. She gets the message that I delight in her and want others to know it.

Other examples of romantic rituals I have been told are:

  • "We say, 'I love you,' every time we hand car keys to each other."
  • "We kiss any time we hear running water."
  • "I bring her coffee in bed every morning with a note that says, 'I love you.' "

Of course, these rituals do not replace taking your wife on a date or surprising her with flowers, but they create the type of environment that regularly affirms your love.

How do you find a ritual that will work? Step 1: Choose an activity that you do often, such as getting the mail, walking through the front door or washing the dishes. Step 2: Add a romantic element, such as a kiss, a note or a statement of affection. Step 3: Commit to do it no matter how you feel or how your day is going. The power is in the consistency.

If you happen to get a great idea for an over-the-top romantic surprise, take advantage of it. But while you are waiting for that inspiration to hit, build a ritual that gives your wife the romance she craves.


This article originally appeared in the January/February 2010 issue of Thriving Family magazine. Copyright © 2010 by Bill Farrel. Used by permission. ThrivingFamily.com.


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